I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
