I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
