My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
