She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
