Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
