are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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