i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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