mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
