I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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