you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
