My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
