Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
