Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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