just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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