i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
only you would photoshop your dick
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
