3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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