If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
