Moan for me like Helen Keller
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So here I am, sexting at work.
tell me about the eggs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize