Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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