i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
