It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
