I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
