I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
