so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
