it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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