Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
