Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
