Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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