Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
