just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize