Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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