Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
