So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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