I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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