why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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