nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ttyl tear gas
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize