After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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