Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
