you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize