What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its not stalking. its research.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
