Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
