sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
