i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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