my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
