I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
