let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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