I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
