it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my phone needs a breathalizer
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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