May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
