I think i peed on brittanys purse
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
