I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
