I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
