its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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