my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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