So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
