just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
