Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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