I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
