We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize