i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
