About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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