ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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