you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
