Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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