For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
