shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
