I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
