New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
