My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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