she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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