problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
