Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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