During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
did i walk over a car last night?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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