how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
