R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
