like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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