i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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