Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
