She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
