My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize