I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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