the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish you could order shots online.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize