I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
