my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
