is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
