She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We got so high we made milksteak
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
