girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize