who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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