You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
