He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
wow bdsm is so cute
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
