i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
