Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
