I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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