Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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