I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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