Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize