I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
