FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
