I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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