So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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