she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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