I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
