Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
