We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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