Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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