Need sex. Gaining weight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
