im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
