I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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