i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
