I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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