Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
