we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize