You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
