i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
